my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
