Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
