Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
