please come you make the beer taste better
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
