She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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