i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
