I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
