hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
