My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
