WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
