my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
