I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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