uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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