that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
this is an emotional support booty call
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
