So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
