i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
