i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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