I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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