I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
