My hand turned me down
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
