:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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