why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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