So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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