We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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