It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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