everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
