3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
