I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
