Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
