I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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