It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
