Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My first STD was from a foam party
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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