and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
