I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
