We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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