..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
