So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
