More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
