She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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