At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
