I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
