My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
