I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
