I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
