i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
