A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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