You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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