And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
