Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
