Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
