I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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