is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
