Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
